La Femme

Joan Nestle’s article defending the femme makes many interesting points. The one that struck me as maybe most important is that femmes dress and act how they feel comfortable and are not conforming to male expectations as many feminists have claimed.

Most femmes are not trying to pass as heterosexual women, nor are they in anyway denying who they are. Actually, many of them would probably argue that they are embracing who they are—women who love to dress up and feel beautiful who also happen to be lesbians. Society is the agent that places the idea of passing upon them. The stereotypes that society has embraced about how lesbians should look and act have set the stage for femmes to blend in while butches stand out.

While, admittedly, some women do dress to fill male desires, many women dress to make themselves comfortable and happy. Those women who accuse femmes of betraying the feminist cause are stereotyping those women to the same extent that men have.

Many of these same arguments can be made of butches; they dress to make themselves comfortable and are not necessarily dressing to reject societal pressures about beauty. Additionally, they are not rejecting their gender or embracing masculinity by dressing and acting the way that society dictates that men should.

I do think that adopting the butch-femme norm of lesbian relationships works to reflect heterosexual norms upon lesbians. While some lesbian relationships may consist of a butch and a femme, there is no reason that it couldn’t be two butches together or two femmes. Overall, I would say that it is harder to “detect” a femme relationship due to societies acceptance of women being more affectionate with one another. Gay men, butch-femme, and both butch relationships are generally more visible, increasing the awareness and stereotype-ability of such relationships, allowing femmes to pass more easily, whether or not they want to.