A Synthesis of Thought-- The Final Post

With this being the final blog posting and our assignment essentially telling us to weave together overarching themes of the course, I would first like to reflect a bit on the blog assignment as a whole. Throughout my time maintaining this blog, I have struggled do separate myself from the conventional academic form of writing and infuse my own voice and opinions. This has happened for two reasons: 1) I have spent the last three years of college writing almost nothing but formal, informative papers from an outside standpoint, and 2) I feel that I have very little personal experience to add to the issues which we have discussed. I came into this class as a tabula rasa, bringing with me almost no knowledge about LGBT issues, especially those that came up more than 10 years ago, but with a strong sense that all humans are equal and a desire to learn more about this community of people to enable me to adequately argue such a point. I haven’t always felt comfortable passing judgment or expressing my opinion on certain topics because I have not lived these issues everyday, as many people have. The greatest struggle I have had with my gender and sexuality is talking to my parents about my relationship status, never having had to define my sexuality. That being said, I have gained a greater understanding of the social ramifications of identifying with the LGBT community and have come to really appreciate the struggles that they have gone through.

Reflecting on this course and my previous blog, I have come to really appreciate the fluidity of identity. I think that gender and sexuality, more than almost any other common categories, give the best example of identity fluidity and development. I have always been a strong advocate of allowing people to self-identify; if you are a woman who wants to sleep with women but identify as straight, there is something important about that. Society has a way of forming a category for every overarching group—gay, straight, black, latino, female, male, etc—and with each category comes an set of expectations. Gay men are supposed to act more feminine, for example, and so when a very “masculine” man comes out as gay, everyone is shocked. On the flip side, when a guy who likes to buy shoes and listen to Bette Midler dates women, people are equally shocked. These expectations of identity makes it hard for some people to fit into society’s categories. Specifically in regards to the identity of gay men, Mark Simpson and John Weir really bring this issue to the forefront. Both men are pointing out the stereotypes placed on gay men and, while Simpson does so more sarcastically, both men resent these expectations of gay men. Weir believes that those men who do conform to the expectations are ruining it for the rest of the gay male world by reinforcing these stereotypes.

I take issue with Weir’s stance in the same way that I take issue with those who accuse butch and femme lesbians of conforming to heterosexual norms. If a gay man enjoys being “flamboyant” and really identifies with the behavior that goes along with that, why shouldn’t he act that way? Because people will KNOW he is gay? Of course gay men have a connection and a common bond, but that bond is not necessarily any more unifying of behavior than race—there are expectations of how they will act, but such a wide spectrum of how they actually do act. Sexuality is not the ONLY identity that those in the LGBT community have, thus not the only standards to which they are subject, nor does it exemplify the only interests that they have.

This is especially apparent for those who are both a member of the LGBT community and a racial minority or a religion. As exemplified by our reading about chicana lesbians, these people are often forced to renounce one identity. During the Civil Rights Movement, the Women’s Rights Movements, and the Gay Rights Movement people were forced to choose which identity was most important to them and which one they were going to fight for the hardest. Splitting one’s identity is nearly impossible, but society’s difficulty with crossing categories has put many people in this unbearable situation.

Additionally, as exemplified most visibly by trans people, the identities that one forms for him or herself are likely to change over time. Going with this example, someone can be born a man, grow up liking to sleep with men, thus identifying as gay. Later in life this man can decide that he would better identify with women, undergo a transition (with or without surgery) and then identify as both straight and female. While, especially in this case, it isn’t always easy for society to accept this sort of fluidity of identity, people change and identities are not set in stone. Another example of this would be lesbian feminists—they began identifying with lesbian culture as a way of making a political statement, despite their actual sexual desires, going to show that each person has different motivations for changing their identity.

All people in the LGBT community have different needs, wants, backgrounds, and experiences. Various LGBT issues affect them all differently. Within each category (lesbian, gay, etc.) there are many subcategories and even more subcategories under each of those. Even those in the LGBT community have expectations of how others around them should think and act, as exemplified in many of our class readings, but it is clear that the interests and desires of these people are very different. They find common ground in their sexuality as a way of overcoming oppression and discrimination and as a way of furthering their cause and finding support.

The "T"

Transgendered people present a complication in the understanding of gender and sexuality. The question of whether the “T” really belongs with LGB does not provide a simple and straightforward answer. In many ways, it seems that trans is such a complicated category, that it deserves to be on it’s own, while in other ways it seems inherently linked to the LGB community.

The trans community has its own culture, its own terms, and its own way of understanding where it fits in with dominant society, but it has a huge spectrum of community members. Some trans people have had surgery or intend to, and some not; some don’t mind messing with gender norms and having those in dominant society know about their transition; some want all traces of their former life erased, not even revealing the truth to their partners; some only transition for part of the time, while others live only as the opposite sex from which they were born. In all reality, this spectrum can make it hard for trans people from opposite ends to find common ground to relate over.

While in some ways it may seem to be sort of a stretch, the T really does belong with the LGB. Despite what some may argue, there is an inherent link between gender and sexuality and those in the LGBT community, both best exemplify that link and challenge it. The gender you are and the gender you are interested in determines your sexuality, at least in the conventional way of compartmentalizing people’s sexual desires. Defining someone or oneself as trans does not give an immediate understanding of gender nor sexuality, but it is really the ultimate bond between these two ideas—giving one the opportunity to self-identify in both of these categories instead of getting stuck in a predetermined one. While some may reject the trans and LGBT communities all together, it seems that the LGB community might in fact be the space in which most trans can find a common ground.

Marriage Debate

Our discussion about marriage on Wednesday was very revealing about the attitudes surrounding marriage. As a heterosexual woman who is in a long-term monogamous relationship, I fully expect to get married some day, but our conversation made me question my motives behind doing so. I am not religious, I plan to be financially independent, and I have no interest in having children before the age of 30 (or maybe even 35), nor would I ever change my last name. I think what it really boils down to for me is stability and reliability, but that isn’t necessarily something that can only be found in marriage (or that can be found in marriage at all). While undoubtedly, society’s emphasis on marriage and the industry of marriage (i.e. weddings, honeymoons, etc.) has it’s appeal and some impact on my desires, marriage is something that I would do for myself and my partner, not for the rest of the world or the acceptance of society. I recognize, however, that this is a right that I shouldn’t take too lightly, as some people in fully committed relationships are denied this right and others, who have no respect for their partners, are allowed to marry as many times as they please.

I can’t say that I truly understand the opinions of gays who don’t want the right to marry, having the right doesn’t mean that you need to exercise that right. More importantly, I feel that the same-sex marriage debate has escalated to the point where gays are either going to be afforded that right or completely banned from marrying, as opposed to ambiguous stage that we are in right now. Being banned from anything based on sexuality at this point in the gay rights movement would be highly detrimental in achieving the goal of equal recognition under the law. Taking away (or banning) this right will likely serve as the basis for denying other rights or implementing laws banning homosexual activities. Marriage may in fact be an institution based on heterosexuality, making it something that many gays don’t want to assimilate to, but many gays do want to be allowed to legally, religiously, and socially commit to their partner and in this society the institution that accommodates that is marriage.

Simpson vs. Weir

The articles by Mark Simpson and John Weir that we ready for Friday presented an amazing contrast in beliefs. Although the Simpson piece was meant to be a parody, it is clear through the pairing with the Weir piece that there was no universal understanding of the gay male world by gay men. Clearly both pieces are extreme and on opposite sides of the spectrum, but they present an important dichotomy.

Because Simpson never comes out and says what he really means in his article “Gay Dream Believer: Inside the Gay Underwear Cult,” it is very hard not to take his words at face value. When I first read this article, it seemed to me that he really meant the words he had written: all gay men have found their place in the world and are very satisfied with their lives. His article seems to be about the trivial things, the material things, and does very little to further the cause of gay rights or even the acceptance of gay men into society. There is no discussion of struggle or difference and it places a blanket understanding of gayness over all men who identify that way. Additionally, he claims that “any unhappiness is clearly the result of straight oppression, [or] self-oppression…” Of course, this may be true in many circumstances, it would be completely inaccurate to say that gay men have no problems that don’t stem from their sexuality—they are human too, with problems that move beyond who they choose to sleep with and lust after.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, John Weir’s article, “Going In,” is remarkably unforgiving of gay culture. He makes some very interesting points, such as his point about gays having Stockholm syndrome, as well as the idea that gay liberation has really only opened the way for privileged white men. He does, however, take his statements to the extreme, claiming that he wouldn’t care if a gay man got beaten up on the basis of his sexuality. Although I don’t want to put words into his mouth, it seems that Weir is really trying to say that people like Simpson, who believe that the gay male world is about pretty underwear and gay bars, are ruining it for the rest of gay male society. They are enforcing stereotypes that he doesn’t want to be associated with and which are inaccurate representations of most gay men or even dominant gay culture.

Clearly, neither of these articles should be taken completely at face-value, but the contrast that they show is vital in understanding perspectives of gay life among gay men.