Marriage Debate

Our discussion about marriage on Wednesday was very revealing about the attitudes surrounding marriage. As a heterosexual woman who is in a long-term monogamous relationship, I fully expect to get married some day, but our conversation made me question my motives behind doing so. I am not religious, I plan to be financially independent, and I have no interest in having children before the age of 30 (or maybe even 35), nor would I ever change my last name. I think what it really boils down to for me is stability and reliability, but that isn’t necessarily something that can only be found in marriage (or that can be found in marriage at all). While undoubtedly, society’s emphasis on marriage and the industry of marriage (i.e. weddings, honeymoons, etc.) has it’s appeal and some impact on my desires, marriage is something that I would do for myself and my partner, not for the rest of the world or the acceptance of society. I recognize, however, that this is a right that I shouldn’t take too lightly, as some people in fully committed relationships are denied this right and others, who have no respect for their partners, are allowed to marry as many times as they please.

I can’t say that I truly understand the opinions of gays who don’t want the right to marry, having the right doesn’t mean that you need to exercise that right. More importantly, I feel that the same-sex marriage debate has escalated to the point where gays are either going to be afforded that right or completely banned from marrying, as opposed to ambiguous stage that we are in right now. Being banned from anything based on sexuality at this point in the gay rights movement would be highly detrimental in achieving the goal of equal recognition under the law. Taking away (or banning) this right will likely serve as the basis for denying other rights or implementing laws banning homosexual activities. Marriage may in fact be an institution based on heterosexuality, making it something that many gays don’t want to assimilate to, but many gays do want to be allowed to legally, religiously, and socially commit to their partner and in this society the institution that accommodates that is marriage.